News - Beetles forced to eat excrement to survive

Beetles in remote parts of Africa are suffering from such severe food shortages that they can survive only by eating other creatures excrement, claims a report into appalling levels of beetle hardship on the continent.

The report, "Eat sh*t or die - food shortages in remote African beetle communities" (published in the Journal of Insect Starvation Monthly) claims that such hardships are common in beetle communities, and that some species have even adapted by making faeces a staple of their diet.

Leading entomologists were not surprised by the reports findings, although some did express surprise at it having been written in the first place. That such levels of poverty exist is widely known in the academic community, but for some reason is rarely reported in the mainstream press.

In response to the report, western governments have been falling over themselves to offer help, with Germany pledging to send $4bn in aid, France to send $10bn, and the US and UK to send weapons and intelligence to fund a coup to oust from power the oppressive scorpions they claim caused the problem in the first place. The United Nations International Fund for Entomological Campaigning (UNIFEC) also stated they were thinking about doing something, although they weren't quite sure exactly what, when, or how, and anyway it hadn't been agreed yet although they were considering forwarding a motion to table a resolution sometime in the not-too-distant future if circumstances allowed.